You know the last thing we want to think about is how menopause is affecting our husbands, I mean this is all about us, however, imagine being with your life partner and she all of a sudden turns into someone unrecognizable. He will not know what to do, he won’t know how to behave or respond. Our first instincts are to react and that is no help to either party. We need to probably pre warn them, I have been doing this since I was 30 hahahahaha, no seriously, my husband was hard enough to deal with on normal terms so I prepared him for the worst. Luckily he changed over the years and what I thought would be a nightmare for me has actually been worse for him.
My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and he was 18, we had our first child when I was 16 and we were stuck! He was an asshole in those early years, but really who knows how to behave in that situation that early in life. Over the years we had many many ups and downs, we hated each other literally, but somehow we stuck at it. Of course now I know that God had a bigger plan for both of us, but we had to go through all the crap to emerge as well as we have. So in those early years I used to say, you think this is bad wait for menopause, I will be able to kill you and plea instability, craziness and amnesia due to menopause!! I used to plot his demise in my head for hours and hours a day, I had it quite down pat. Fast forward to my early 40’s when I started peri menopause and omg it started again, I literally hated him, couldn’t stand the sound of his voice, couldn’t even stand to hear him breathe. I didn’t know I was in peri menopause, I just though it was me moving on wanting something different and him not being a part of it.
My brother died during this time, my hubby and I basically raised him, my mother was crazy and my father was a drunk, they were separated and he was a hand full. He was with us constantly, grew up with our kids and we used to tell people he was our fifth child. When he died at 32 I thought I had lost part of me, actually part of me did die with him, it was devastating, you see my brother was a drug addict, it’s a very long story but he was a wonderful person, he was living with us when he died and unless you go through something like that its hard to explain. It was even harder for me, I was like his mother, I had an issue of failure, I didn’t do enough, we had spent years and years on his recovery, but that demon was just too strong and we weren’t walking in faith at the time. But this is a story for another time. My hubby and I made it through yet again!
Fast forward to now, the past 2 years have been tough, we changed jobs, moved from our place in town and now live on this farm which I love. Its been a tough adjustment for me, lots of stress for him and lots of arguments between us. But we look back now and even though there are still tough days we know God has a plan. These days when I have my meno moods there isn’t much he can do and he knows it so he leaves me alone mostly and he is busy with this farm so it’s been really good. But he knows when things are almost more than I can bear, he knows when I am at the end of it for the day, he knows that nothing he says or does will make one shits bit of difference so do you know what he does…..he holds my hand. To me this is the most secure and stable gesture he can do, this man who has been with me through thick and thin, shits and giggles loves me beyond words and in that moment every thing is ok again. THIS is what happens when you trust God with your life, this is what happens when you endure, this is what makes all the crap worth it because ladies in our young years we are volatile and strong, we don’t need anyone or anything, but in our ‘golden’ years we need the gentle support of our husband, the gentle touches that don’t involve sex, the knowing that this too shall pass and everything will be ok. THIS right here is why you keep going, its deeper than marriage, its a bond, its a friendship and it makes life so much easier!
Husbands need to go through shit with you, they need to know how you feel and they need to know how to help you. You need to tell them ladies and you need to pray. Lots and lots of hours of prayer will overcome any hurdle, we are living testament to that. This has been hard on my husband, it really has, and unless we communicate with our husbands and pray for them to understand, menopause will destroy your marriage. If it was a good marriage before menopause don’t let misunderstandings and hormones destroy it!